I have been dating someone for about 7 months. A few days ago we were having a discussion about religion and he disagreed with me. He told me what his opinion was and then got angry with me when I wouldn’t tell him he was right. He then called me stubborn (which is 100% true) and told me to work on that, and I asked him why? He told me that it would make him happy if I was not stubborn. So I told him no. I told him that I would not change my personality and be untrue to myself. After telling him this, he called me selfish because I would not do this for him, and then continued on to call me childish. He then told me that I was making him angry and hung up. I figured I would give him a few days to cool off and then I texted him and told him that if he wants to talk about what happened the other day, to let me know. He called back and told me that I emotionally exhausted him, and that the argument showed me in a very childish light, and he didn’t like it. I tried to explain to him that people are not pieces of clay that one can mold into whatever they like. Sometimes when you love someone you have to acknowledge that they have faults, but to not let that effect your judgment of them. I explained to him that I am not perfect, and I make mistakes, but that I am human. He continued to call me selfish and told me that I was content being stubborn and that was not ok. He then told me that I should be with someone who doesn’t mind me being stubborn and how it was something that he couldn’t deal with, and I agreed with him. Was I dealing with a narcissist?

This is just one of the arguments that have occurred, and by the end of them, there always seems to be something about me that I need to fix so he can be happy. And I’m just starting to question that maybe I am being selfish.

@Tor
I don’t know if he’s got a personality disorder, but if you see a pattern of this behavior, I’d run…

Tor, this is exactly the pattern of behaviour I’ve endured my entire life. First with my parents and then by marrying a man with the same disorder. Stick to your initial thought that you need to stay true to yourself. NPDers play an emotional and mental game that attempts to wear you down and makes you start questioning yourself and eventually your sanity. This person you describe is attempting to control you, your thoughts, and opinions. My advice…run away! As fast as you can! You can’t fix or save him… Believe me.

It does seem similar to things I experienced with only being able to see things one way. It seems from what I read and went through, many with NPD are very “black and white” there is no room for anything in the middle.

When I read the article on NPD I nearly wept, this described the man I was with for almost 20 years. This post caught my eye as it mentioned an argument about religion, which is an early one we had! Other people simply aren’t allowed a view. The thing which clicked with me reading the article is that a lot of it isn’t exactly intentional with the narcissists, they genuinely DO believe that they are right and others are wrong.

I would say to be careful with this guy, it’s a good thing you have identified that he may have this disorder and check the diagnosis/red flags. Remember that although men do tend to think they are right about things a lot (sorry guys!) there is a difference when they simply cannot accept that others may have a different view – and in the example of religion, it IS a view, not a fact.

You were seeing a narcissist begin to reveal himself, although most will definitely show signs long before 7 months, so I don’t know if this was your first “episode” or the one that has disturbed you the most. You were already starting to fall right in line with this pathological disorder by the very fact that you felt the need to explain to him that you are not perfect and that people have faults. You did nothing wrong by simply having and expressing an opposing point of view and there was nothing to explain. Good thing that you agreed with him when he suggested that you find someone who doesn’t mind you being stubborn although this move may also be apart of the “dance” you do with them. They will push you away and then want to pull you back in or will want to see if you will “care” enough to come chasing behind them after they have treated you like crap, just be careful. Now that you two have agreed that it would be best for you to move on, stay on that track and don’t look back. Life (if you want to call it that) with a narcissist is pure hell.