Hi there,

Im in love with my boyfriend who i believe to be narcissistic. He is disliked by all of my friends and ive been told im a mug to be with him. He suffers from all the traits and some. Yet there is a ridiculous bond/attraction and fondness between us!? I could write a novel on his behaviours but the sake of speed i will list them

*Computer programmer – hacked my computer and posted private FB messages on my page
*OCD with cleanness to the extreme.
*Obsessed with social networking sites (has an ulterego persona)
*Obsessed with social status and material possessions
*Obsessed with his looks
*Lacks empathy
* Manipulative
*Socially awkward
*No compassion towards his family
*Linear thinker
*Extreamly organised – files, sub files, and then sub files those files
*Obsessed with porn
*Tries to control every aspect of his life
*Sleeps happily 10-16 hours a day

So i ask myself, why am i in love with someone that displays all these traits? Im strong minded, independant, attractive and pretty much the polar opposite of all of them? My friends have distanced themselves from me becasue they dislike him so and im still involved.

Ive read about NCP for a while now and im convinced he has it. He found this out when going through my FB messages and so now he knows i know it too! …..its a real pickle of a situation and i feel very isolated! Help?

Run for the hills!!!!! I am 54 years old and spent 35 years with a narcissist. It does not get better as time goes on it gets worse. I am divorcing him now. We have two teenage daughters whom he never, never contacts. You know from your research that cutting off people is one of their coping mechanisms. You may think you are in a relationship with this man, but you are only in a relationship with an idea you have in your head that he is comfortable with. People can love people and behaviors that are not good for them. Accept that you love someone who can never care for you and let him go.

I feel for you, i’ve just split-up with my boyfriend who i believe has NCP, i started to see a counselor as thought i was going mental (his suggestion until he realised that someone else had an infulence on how i thought – thus him losing control!) and when i described his behaviour and what he was putting me through / did to me, she diagnosed it immediately.

I like you started to research the condition (with everone telling me not to bother, he’s not worth it etc) and it’s frightening what you find. We’re hooked on them because they make you feel like no-one else ever has or does in the begining – then the real personality comes out, it’s really hard and i’ve totally beat myself up about it – i struggle to accept that this /he is’nt what i thought it was – like you i thought i was a strong, inderpendent indervidual so how could i let this happen? it’s because they control and condition you and when you split up from them the only thing that feels right is to go back – but it’s not.

i found one good peice of advice on-line about a Narcissists and what to do if you’re dating one – ‘run away like your hair is on fire’ – i never forgot this!

You are worth so much more, and on a daily basis’s i ask myself this question – if i meet him for the first time today as the person i now know he is – would i like him still? answer: NO
Good luck x

@Patty.. Very well put. I particularly liked your line written about,accepting that her bf would never been able to love her. Good advice, and very tough for me to take as well.

Rob

@Helen

Get out, and get out right now. I have just wasted four years of my life trying to reason with my husband, in that time he as cheated, been obsessed with his alterego on facebook, lied, dumped me with debt, hit me with a car in his rage………..seriously get out its not worth your soul.

Your staying because actually they ebb away at your self confidence and you end up knowing no better…….they are really manipulative and they are extremley cruel……..

I had to ask to hold hands, i had to ask to have a hug……..

I took my rose tinted glasses off after having major surgery and he didn’t have time to come and see me in hospital……….

I have been married for nearly 20 years……..